Well it’s been A While. Longest 9 months I’ve ever had. Some great things and so horrible things. So grab a chair while I ramble about everything haha.
I left off in March. Things were going great for me. I had started getting better. Family was there for me and my girlfriend was there. Actually that softball tournament changed my life in many different ways. Everything happens for a reason is what I kept telling myself. I got to talking to one of my teammates and we went on about what we did and how much we like softball, you know typical guys stuff. Well he told me that he worked at a bar downtown. Not thinking about trying to get a job or anything, I didn’t even ask if they were hiring. Then he mentioned that they had let someone go. So I’m a way I felt that they were looking but he didn’t want me to just assume I would get it. So I asked him if they needed help. He said he would check with his partner. PARTNER?? turns out he owns the bar. After about a week I went to the bar to check it out with a friend and he asked for my availability. And there it was I landed another job. So now I was working the bar aaaand at the golf course. Making pretty good money. But I had to make a decision. Because the golf course started getting sketchy. Going through a new supervisor and what not. Nothing was the same (NWTS). I started losing Interest and I was making waaaaay more money at the bar. Soooo I left. Hardest decision ever cause there went my free golf 😔. But everything happens for a reason. Back to getting that bar Job. Kelly like that had another job but wasn’t too sure that she liked what I would be doing. As well as my brother and sister in law. My family didn’t really have the support for it. I mean I understand where they are coming from but I had to do what I had to do. During the first two months were great but at the same time the worst time of my life outside the bar.
Kelly broke up with my. She had went through my laptop and saw that I was talking to other girls and saw that I was pretty much living another life without her. And now I’m here to talk about what I did because I know that I messed up and regret everything that I did. I loved her and for me to act that way was horrible. For four years my life revolved around her and I lost everything. I lost the love of my life and it kills me because I knew what I was doing the whole time. And to this day I sit here and think about all the things I did wrong. There isn’t a day that passes where I just wake up and think about myself because for four years I woke up to someone to say good morning to or someone there to go to sleep with every single night. The hardest part is to change something that had been a part of you. But in my head I was unhappy. I didn’t listen to my heart. You know I never knew what love felt like until I saw her for the last time at the golf course where she worked. Because when I saw her I knew from that point I was going to try and make things better. I thought that this girl was ruining my only to find out she was giving me guidance. This girl took me to church. Took care of me. Was ALWAYS there for me and I took advantage of it because I never thought she would just leave. But this was an eye opener. Like I said o thought this is what I wanted. April came around and I was working a lot. I loved it. We weren’t together and I was going out drinking having a blast. After about a month of doing that I realized something. That girl knew what she was doing with her life and I knew that she wasn’t going to let me bring her down. She was ready to move on and I never thought about it because I always thought she was bringing me down. She was right the whole time because look at me 2 months after that. Sitting there crying in my room wanting her to respond to me. Wanting her to just come right back but she told me no. The 2nd worst words I’ve ever heard in my life was to just move on. I couldn’t do it because I wanted to just be back with her. I knew that I needed to change and better myself for not only the relationship we would have been in but to better myself because I was doing nothing with it. Everyday I texted her and called and no answer. Until one weekend that changed everything for me. She had told me she was going to college station for the weekend to visit her friend. And that she would call me on her way back. All weekend I thought what I could say to her. I haven’t seen her in like 3 months and I knew I needed to come up with something. Sunday came around and I texted her seeing what was up and she called. I was on my way to Dairy Queen to pick up some food. I remember stopping her in mid sentence saying that there was a new blizzard flavor out and it was s’mores. We used to get blizzards all the time so I knew she would like that but what she said after that kinda gave me a hint about something. She told me “ohh cool”. So then we started talking more about everything. I just was begging for her to just give me another chance. She kept telling me, “I’m sorry but I’m not the girl you want Anthony”. And I explained yes, yes you are and that I was really really sorry for everything I did. I hardly remember the car ride home because I was hurt. To know that someone you loved for four years just left right out of your arms. We got off the phone and I called my mom and told her about everything. She said “Anthony I know this sounds crazy but you need to ask her why is she doing this”. “How come that she’s just up and out after four years?” The my mom told me I needed to ask her if there was someone else. So I did. The worst thing I’ve ever heard in my life was “yes”. I dropped to the ground as if something just left my body. This something that was in me this whole time I’ve been In San Antonio. I had no clue what to do with myself because I now knew that there was someone else in her life taking care of her. If only she knew the pain that ran through my body at that moment. But I’m sure I cause the same pain to her many of times. Which is why I’m not blaming her for everything I did. I did all that because I was unhappy with myself. I needed this punch in the gut to realize that I wasn’t being a great person. You never know what you had until it’s gone. My life was about to change in every direction because I had no one. Every day I get people asking me how she is and just brings back all the memories. Then I have to tell them we aren’t together anymore. Every time it’s just so hard. Because my whole family knew her and spent all the holidays with her. So it was just overall the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. In a way I had this coming for me and I only brought this on to myself. But my family doesn’t know everything. They just know we split up. What sucks is that she is friends with my sister in law and my roommates girlfriend and every once in a while I’ll hear something about her and just wonder how she’s doing. I haven’t seen or talked to her and don’t plan on it because I don’t want to have the pain come back to me which is why I’m writing about this to once and for all stop thinking about it.
I’ve got a lot better since the break up. I was working a lot. Put in a lot if hours and making money. Let’s just say I finally had a change in income and it is great! I still think about her don’t get me wrong. I mean I spent four years with her how can I just forget someone. But I’ll never forget the best thing that had happened to me.
Summer came along. It had been a solid 2-3 months since me and jelly broke up and I have to say I was doing good. Still couldn’t believe it but getting better every day. Like I said I was putting in hours! Picking up shifts and just making money. I loved it. There was this one weekend in particular that changed my life. At the time the best thing that had happened to me, at the time. so I went through all my day shift routines. Getting ice, putting chairs down and what not. All the fun stuff. That took me about 30-45 minutes. By the time I was done it was like 1:50ish somewhere around there. I usually order food and eat but I was just feeling a lunch able for next door. Little snack haha. So I’m sitting there with nothing to do, catching up on sports. The Spurs had just won!! So I was watching all the news from what was going on downtown. I was just bored chillen there doing nothing. I remember looking at my phone and this bright light comes from someone opening the door. I see these two people come in, not paying attention to gender or anything so I slowly get up and walk behind the bar. Then I notice it’s two girls. At like 2:30-3:00 In the afternoon these two 21 and 22 year old girls come in to day drink a little haha. I asked what they wanted. I remember they were like we don’t do this often but can you make us something to drink. I was like uh yea It’s what I do haha. I had been mixing drinks one day and came across Bacardi dragon berry. Soooo I just added a few things and wallah! I made a drink that was amazing! Anyways. I made that drink for them. They loved it. So I started talking to them a little more. Found out that their names were mary and rachel! It was Mary’s birthday and they were here to celebrate. They got a hotel room and could check in to til like 4 I think. So we’re just making small talk and what not. Talking about school and what our majors were. Fun stuff. Well time ran out for them and they had to go check in. But before they left I told them they should come back tonight and check the place out when there is a better crowd. Honestly I didn’t think they would come back. So they left I went back to what I had been doing …..watching tv haha. It was an average day shift for me. I took a break got some whataburger and went right back to work. I’m not going to lie as the night went on I was like them girls aren’t coming back. I was handing people some drinks and I get this big “heeeeeey” from rachel. I was kinda surprised lol but they came back and they had a great night! I bought them a couple shots and drinks. But I had a great time. They kept me company! It was great. But after a while they left. They were going to check out the other bars. Buuuuuut before they left I took a picture with them! So In the slickest way possible I was like can you send me that picture!!! Hahhaha lame but that was the best I had. So then that was it for the night. I had work the next day and I had been texting her throughout the day. She did tell me they were making another appearance! It was a slow day and I had been doing nothing. I had a few people In during the day and the night picked up a little. They came in kinda later In the night. I remember buying rachel an Irish car bomb but mary didn’t want one and she looked at me like I ain’t taking one by myself. Sooo I took one with her(I got in trouble for that) hhahaha. They stayed and hung out for a little longer and they went to check out another place. Surprisingly we stayed slow the whole night. Soooo my boss let me go for the night. I texted them and we met up at pat obriens and we stayed there the rest of the night at the piano bar. It was amazing and fun. They were being hilarious. Rachel got up on the stage and danced. Totally forgot about that. But it was the awesome. I walked them back to their hotel and some funny stuff happened on the way there. First, We went the wrong way. Then I took a picture with my arm resting on a street cone thing haha and just cracking up the whole time.
But everything came to an end. That was the best weekend of my summer! Definitely brought some life back in to me.
It’s super late now and there’s stil a whole lot that I haven’t covered that I want to! But from here on it gets better! Good night
Anthony Cruz
you write your own story 